Elation Becomes Frustration

I awoke to my husband and daughter wishing me a happy birthday. It was 7:00 a.m. and 30 minutes before departing for McKenna’s performance in “White Christmas” that was being performed for various schools in the area. (California has a great law that provides for an excused absence from school if the student is involved in a performanc for school field trips.) I had fallen asleep on the couch the night before while trying to catch up on recorded television programs.

My daughter handed me a large silver bag filled with an iPod Touch, a Ladybug (small round set of iPod speakers) headphones, car adapter, car charger, and various USB cords and such. I was thrilled as my four year old MP3 had just quit and I was sorely missing my music. This was another time I felt blessed at having a teenage as she providee me with a training session on how to operate my new toy and accessories.

True to our birthday custom, there were birthday cards hidden around the house for me to discover at various intervals throughout the day. This was a fun way to stretch out the celebration.

I sat down at my laptop determining to catch up on my word count. I had been sick the previous day and not written a single word. I was already behind due to issues relating to the pain of sitting for an extended time.  But I had my new iPod loaded with great tunes and I didn’t have to wear headphones. The house was quiet. The puppy had played himself out and was sleeping on the foot of my chair.

I took a shower and put out some loungewear to don for a leisurely day.  I leaned into the mirror for an objective study of my face and body. The weight loss was starting to show as my face was less full. I was hoping against hope that my waddle wasn’t going to sag like a turkey. But all in all, I’m looking pretty good for the age of 53. In fact, I looked beautiful.

No, I hadn’t been drinking or medicated, my face looked beautiful.  My skin, soft was a baby’s behind, even tone, fresh. I felt beautiful. That’s a feeling not normally mine except on rare occasions. What was going on?

Was I writing my way to beauty? Thinking back over the past few days, I recall feelings of intense joy and happiness. These feelings weren’t fleeting but steady and sure. Wow! What an incredible epiphany it was to understand the incredible manifestation of happiness and beauty!  

After several rest and food breaks, the day passed as I typed away. Finally I reached 30,413 words and felt mentally like I could go on another few hours. Unfortunately, my body was telling me I had, once again, overdone it as the sharp pains shot down my tailbone and across the small of my back.

Nevertheless, my family was taking me out to dinner and I had already decided to take this meal off from dieting. A brief trip to the scales showed a loss of 26 pounds. Mexican was my craving du jour.

Before my eyes closed on the day, I gave thanks for all the day’s bounties, my loving family, and that my 16-year-old nephew had called to wish me a great day…And his mother didn’t even know or have to remind him! I am so incredibly blessed in this lifetime.

I awoke still happy and sat down in my pajamas to write some more. However, when I pulled up my novel and checked the word count, there were not quite 27,000 words. Did I dream that I have passed 30,000? I checked my NaNoWriMo account and it confirmed 30,413. I check both saved copies of my novel and there were little less than 27,000. I check and rechecked. I must have pulled up the previously saved document and saved that to my flash drive then to my hard drive.

Needless to say, my despair was overwhelming. Was I being punished for languishing in the elation of the day before? Why was this happening? Life was unfair….etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

My feelings of frustration turned to a need to create something artistically. I turned to the many beautiful pieces of glass that has taken over the dining room and searched for just the right pieces. I did some thinking while my hands were busy.

With a sudden realization more rapid than the beating of raving wings I realized that life was still great, I still had friends and family…I really had lost nothing more that some keystrokes and thoughts. I did it once and Icould do it again.

At the end of it all I was left with 26,832 words and this: